... a man you don’t meet every day
Marc David Richard Rigby
July 27, 1969 – January 21, 2011
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Sandy's Remarks (Long-time Friend)
Some time ago, Marc left me a letter, to open only upon his death. On Saturday, after receiving Barb’s phone call at my home in Switzerland, I had an opportunity to pour myself a glass of wine, from a bottle bought with Marc in Paris, and to read that letter. It began like this:
"Dear Sandy, [which, by the way, no one calls me anymore]
If you’re reading this, either you’ve developed a morbid curiosity or the gig is up and I’ve shuffled off this mortal coil." The letter goes on from there. The first sentence in itself summed up Marc in a way that always caught us by surprise, which was with humour and compassion at the same time. And it really made me stop to think, what did I learn from Marc about friendship?
I learned, of course, the value of old friends – a lesson that he always knew much better than I, because I look around this room and know that there are so many people I’m only connected to by the fact that he continued to tell their stories to me. And there’s something about old friends – the fact that you never have to explain yourself to them, that’s very special. And as I travelled around the world, Marc always went out of his way to remind me that there was a place called home, here.
But I think that one of the key things that he taught me about friendship that I’ll take forward is about the art of not judging. At no time did Marc pass judgement. In the good times, he was always happy to hear the stories of your adventures – the better the yarn, the more interested he was. In bad times, he did not leave. And in those darkest moments, when we ourselves felt that maybe the strength of our own moral compass was starting to fail, he said nothing. And when we somehow managed to recover ourselves, he had the good grace not to pretend that he was surprised.
So, those are the things I remember about friendship. Those are the lessons that I take from Marc Rigby. And I hope I’ll be a better friend for remembering this.
I’ll leave you with the last words of the letter that he left to me. They’re very simple, and anyone who knows me will know that it’s a concession that I’m allowing him the last word. But, I love him enough to concede the last word in this instance. So, here’s a message from him to you:
"Be sure and tell all my friends and family that I’ve loved them lots, even if I’ve never been very good at showing it. Thank them for me for all they’ve done for me and wish them the best for a happy, healthy and prosperous future.
Love,
Marc"